my goodness, check out these pix i found of mom and dad when they were born. i'm the one in the middle, but can you guess which one is mom and which one is dad? even better, vote in my poll on the left to see which picture i look more like.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
vote in my poll
my goodness, check out these pix i found of mom and dad when they were born. i'm the one in the middle, but can you guess which one is mom and which one is dad? even better, vote in my poll on the left to see which picture i look more like.
Monday, April 28, 2008
poop obsessions and my first trip out
hey, today's the day. i'm going on my first trip out. have to go see the doc. hope there's no mean nurses with big needles this time. that's me in my car seat. i'm meditating (don't let anyone tell you i'm sleeping . . . they just don't understand the inner zen!).
don't really have much to say about the visit. doc was cool, told mom to chill out because i'll be fine (which of course i knew all along). they said my jaundice is no problem, i actually gained weight since i left the hospital (when i left the hospital i was 5 lbs 2 ounces, now i've put on the big 1.0 ounce . . . for those less math inclined, that makes me now 5 lbs 3 ounces). apparently all us little dudes and dudettes lose weight for a few days. the goal is to not lose more than 10% of your initial birthweight. i guess i've lost 7%, so i'm already starting off a good 43% of the curve. i'd like to be further ahead quite frankly, but i'm a slow starter.
the one thing i must say, there are a lot of people awfully obsessed about my poop. i mean it's poop for crying out loud. they want to know what color it is, what consistency, how regular . . . i mean these folks are kinda sick if you ask me. it must be some type of strange perversion. but in any case, the doc seemed quite satisfied with my poop.
and with that, i bid you a-doo :)
don't really have much to say about the visit. doc was cool, told mom to chill out because i'll be fine (which of course i knew all along). they said my jaundice is no problem, i actually gained weight since i left the hospital (when i left the hospital i was 5 lbs 2 ounces, now i've put on the big 1.0 ounce . . . for those less math inclined, that makes me now 5 lbs 3 ounces). apparently all us little dudes and dudettes lose weight for a few days. the goal is to not lose more than 10% of your initial birthweight. i guess i've lost 7%, so i'm already starting off a good 43% of the curve. i'd like to be further ahead quite frankly, but i'm a slow starter.
the one thing i must say, there are a lot of people awfully obsessed about my poop. i mean it's poop for crying out loud. they want to know what color it is, what consistency, how regular . . . i mean these folks are kinda sick if you ask me. it must be some type of strange perversion. but in any case, the doc seemed quite satisfied with my poop.
and with that, i bid you a-doo :)
Sunday, April 27, 2008
call 9-1-1
i'm home for one day and all heck breaks loose. i was sleeping peacefully when all of a sudden these crazy blaring siren sounds which i can only describe as something like what one might hear on the island of sirenum scopuli.
suddenly everyone is running about. dad is climbing on some ladder to look at the screaming circle thing on the ceiling. there's no smoke around, so nobody's particularly worried . . . until . . .
dad tells everyone to get out of the house immediately. next thing you know he's on the phone to some people called 9-1-1. must be some new hip band like maroon 5 or take 5 or maybe the jackson 5.
before you know it this big red truck with bright lights trying to do it's best impression of the sound coming from our house pull up. 4 firepeople jump out, 3 big burly dudes and this rather petite dudette. of course the captain tells the dudette to stay outside with us (by then we had all evacuated) . . . i mean come on now, is that classic sexism or what? put the chick in the position to soothe the crazy people and let the men go after the all the adventure.
of course, mom notices that after more than a year in the house, she finally has her first neighbor sighting as they wring their nosey little necks around the corner to see what all the fun is about.
after 15 minutes or so, the dudes come back out. turns out that sure enough, dad actually read the silly alarm correctly . . . carbon monoxide . . . but luckily it turns out just to be a faulty sensor. all this fuss for nothin . . . i guess that's better than having it been for somethin.
suddenly everyone is running about. dad is climbing on some ladder to look at the screaming circle thing on the ceiling. there's no smoke around, so nobody's particularly worried . . . until . . .
dad tells everyone to get out of the house immediately. next thing you know he's on the phone to some people called 9-1-1. must be some new hip band like maroon 5 or take 5 or maybe the jackson 5.
before you know it this big red truck with bright lights trying to do it's best impression of the sound coming from our house pull up. 4 firepeople jump out, 3 big burly dudes and this rather petite dudette. of course the captain tells the dudette to stay outside with us (by then we had all evacuated) . . . i mean come on now, is that classic sexism or what? put the chick in the position to soothe the crazy people and let the men go after the all the adventure.
of course, mom notices that after more than a year in the house, she finally has her first neighbor sighting as they wring their nosey little necks around the corner to see what all the fun is about.
after 15 minutes or so, the dudes come back out. turns out that sure enough, dad actually read the silly alarm correctly . . . carbon monoxide . . . but luckily it turns out just to be a faulty sensor. all this fuss for nothin . . . i guess that's better than having it been for somethin.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
the moment of truth
**warning . . . birth while incredibly beautiful, also has some less than stomach warming moments. those are captured below. don't read on if you don't want to hear about it. and definitely don't come complaining to me if you don't like what you read. i warned you. it's my blog and i will type whatever i want. i'm 1 day old and in charge!**
alright, practice time is over . . . in the words of magic johnson . . . it's showtime! (yes, i'm training to be as big a sports junkie as dad).
ok mom . . . here it comes . . . one, two, three . . . puuuuuuuuush!
wow mom, that was weak. i could have been a runny stool and you still wouldn't have pushed me out.
i know, i know, you can't feel anything from your waist down, but seriously, push up bras on an A-size cup do more pushing than that!
ok, try two. here it comes . . . one, two, three . . . puuuuuuuuush!
well, good news for mom is that all those stories of blasting poo poo pellets all over the place seem to have been overblown. other than some bloody show . . . speaking of which, what an entirely gross name that is for it. why is it a show? in a show, people come and pay good money to go get entertained. i don't see anything the least bit entertaining about a mess of blood all over the place. but then again, i've been floating in this stuff for months, so it doesn't bother me, but apparently all you other folks with weak sauce don't . . . thus, i don't really see it as a show.
but alas, my one day old brain digresses . . .
ok, i'll fast forward a bit. so far we had 2 pushes. with each successive push mom starts to figure it all out. as such, i'm making my way down this very squishy cavern. let me tell you about it because i think y'all don't fully appreciate my journey. so after starting out in my quite posh womb, mom pushes my down the "drain." one would think that the drain-hole is not nearly large enough for my head that is quite large (after all, i have so much good stuff in there - i call my head the genius holder - i know, i know, i'm pretty modest for my age). luckily the master designer has really thought this through. you see, all you big people, you have one big head. us little folk, we have three parts of our head that are all separated when we're born. that allows our head to mold into different shapes as we go on our journey (you know, in case we need to make a tight turn and the like).
oh, and one thing i have to tell all you old people, that whole thing about the cord strangling the baby . . . that's crap. think about it. we don't breath through our nose and mouth (if we did, we'd have to be an amphibian or something) when we're floating around in gook, it's that spaceman's tube (you know, like the astronaughts) that supplies us our juice. so, the real danger is when you put a crimp in my hose (hey, i'm a chick, i can say that!) or if i just get downright all tangled up.
but luckily, none of that was an issue for me . . . because on push 5, out i popped. it only took like an hour and seeing that mom couldn't really feel anything the whole time, i think it did pretty well.
i must say, i'm not a fan of the welcome committee though. first you have mom and dad, they claim they weren't crying, but i don't know. what happen to big open arms and smiles?!? then you have the doctor who basically totally ignores me and waits for that damn placenta like it's the main attraction. (warning: don't look at the picture below if you get grossed out easily)
dude . . . doesn't she know . . . i'm the main attraction! finally you have the dang nurse. her, i really don't like. first she puts this goop in my eyes . . . hello woman, if i wanted goop in my eyes, i would have stayed in the womb. then she has the nerve to stick some big a** needle thing right in my thigh. man that hurt like h***. and she does this not once, but twice. owwwwwwwwww! needless to say, i'm not too happy at this point. after that the nurse decides she doesn't like the clothes that i picked out for the big day (which i might add, i picked my best gooey goop to come out with) and decides to wash it all away. suffice to say, i'm not digging this nurse chick at all. and by all accounts, if i don't grow up to be hotter than her, i'm in big trouble (dad told me in the womb that i was supposed to look out for the hot nurses - well, not really sure what he meant by that. i haven't really figured out which way i swing if you know what i mean, but she definitely wasn't pulling me to swing from that side of the plate ;)
at last, all the commotion dies and i get to hang out with mom and dad.
i must say, i'm pretty pooped (a good metaphor for my recent journey i might add). but looking into mom's eyes . . . i must say, i thought my womb pad was phat, but i could really get used to this being a "wu" thing.
i think i lucked out. mom and dad seem real swank. goodnight!
signing off at: 5 lbs, 9 ounces. 19 inches long. bella sydney wu!
alright, practice time is over . . . in the words of magic johnson . . . it's showtime! (yes, i'm training to be as big a sports junkie as dad).
ok mom . . . here it comes . . . one, two, three . . . puuuuuuuuush!
wow mom, that was weak. i could have been a runny stool and you still wouldn't have pushed me out.
i know, i know, you can't feel anything from your waist down, but seriously, push up bras on an A-size cup do more pushing than that!
ok, try two. here it comes . . . one, two, three . . . puuuuuuuuush!
well, good news for mom is that all those stories of blasting poo poo pellets all over the place seem to have been overblown. other than some bloody show . . . speaking of which, what an entirely gross name that is for it. why is it a show? in a show, people come and pay good money to go get entertained. i don't see anything the least bit entertaining about a mess of blood all over the place. but then again, i've been floating in this stuff for months, so it doesn't bother me, but apparently all you other folks with weak sauce don't . . . thus, i don't really see it as a show.
but alas, my one day old brain digresses . . .
ok, i'll fast forward a bit. so far we had 2 pushes. with each successive push mom starts to figure it all out. as such, i'm making my way down this very squishy cavern. let me tell you about it because i think y'all don't fully appreciate my journey. so after starting out in my quite posh womb, mom pushes my down the "drain." one would think that the drain-hole is not nearly large enough for my head that is quite large (after all, i have so much good stuff in there - i call my head the genius holder - i know, i know, i'm pretty modest for my age). luckily the master designer has really thought this through. you see, all you big people, you have one big head. us little folk, we have three parts of our head that are all separated when we're born. that allows our head to mold into different shapes as we go on our journey (you know, in case we need to make a tight turn and the like).
oh, and one thing i have to tell all you old people, that whole thing about the cord strangling the baby . . . that's crap. think about it. we don't breath through our nose and mouth (if we did, we'd have to be an amphibian or something) when we're floating around in gook, it's that spaceman's tube (you know, like the astronaughts) that supplies us our juice. so, the real danger is when you put a crimp in my hose (hey, i'm a chick, i can say that!) or if i just get downright all tangled up.
but luckily, none of that was an issue for me . . . because on push 5, out i popped. it only took like an hour and seeing that mom couldn't really feel anything the whole time, i think it did pretty well.
i must say, i'm not a fan of the welcome committee though. first you have mom and dad, they claim they weren't crying, but i don't know. what happen to big open arms and smiles?!? then you have the doctor who basically totally ignores me and waits for that damn placenta like it's the main attraction. (warning: don't look at the picture below if you get grossed out easily)
dude . . . doesn't she know . . . i'm the main attraction! finally you have the dang nurse. her, i really don't like. first she puts this goop in my eyes . . . hello woman, if i wanted goop in my eyes, i would have stayed in the womb. then she has the nerve to stick some big a** needle thing right in my thigh. man that hurt like h***. and she does this not once, but twice. owwwwwwwwww! needless to say, i'm not too happy at this point. after that the nurse decides she doesn't like the clothes that i picked out for the big day (which i might add, i picked my best gooey goop to come out with) and decides to wash it all away. suffice to say, i'm not digging this nurse chick at all. and by all accounts, if i don't grow up to be hotter than her, i'm in big trouble (dad told me in the womb that i was supposed to look out for the hot nurses - well, not really sure what he meant by that. i haven't really figured out which way i swing if you know what i mean, but she definitely wasn't pulling me to swing from that side of the plate ;)
at last, all the commotion dies and i get to hang out with mom and dad.
i must say, i'm pretty pooped (a good metaphor for my recent journey i might add). but looking into mom's eyes . . . i must say, i thought my womb pad was phat, but i could really get used to this being a "wu" thing.
i think i lucked out. mom and dad seem real swank. goodnight!
signing off at: 5 lbs, 9 ounces. 19 inches long. bella sydney wu!
the drugs
whoa whoa. what's the big a** thing they just stuck into my wall column. that was a close call, that huge rocket that just crashed into my wall and shot out all sorts of explosives is . . .
oooh . . . feeling queezy . . . losing all sensation.
wow, so much for a drug free america. now i know why you can't get off the drugs once you start. this stuff is sweeeeeeeeeeet.
and mom and dad, they're just sitting watching tv. actually, it's quite amazing because after those drugs, mom's been sitting in the bed for 6 straight hours and get this . . . she hasn't gotten up to pee even once! this is the same woman who pees every 5 minutes. it's amazing!
oh wait, i figured it out, they have some tube stuck in her that's peeing for her. i initially thought that was cheating, but now i'm thinking i have to get mom one of these tube things for her birthday. she hates having to go so often.
well, i don't have a lot of perspective, but after 6 hours of sitting around watching tv and joking about the pee bag, the doctor has come in and said, "it's time to push!" of course, i don't know where the docs go to school for their bedside manners. i mean, i'm a real person here and everyone's here because of me. so maybe they should give me my proper due. i'm thinking something like blaring regal trumpets announcing the arrival of . . . me!
oooh . . . feeling queezy . . . losing all sensation.
wow, so much for a drug free america. now i know why you can't get off the drugs once you start. this stuff is sweeeeeeeeeeet.
and mom and dad, they're just sitting watching tv. actually, it's quite amazing because after those drugs, mom's been sitting in the bed for 6 straight hours and get this . . . she hasn't gotten up to pee even once! this is the same woman who pees every 5 minutes. it's amazing!
oh wait, i figured it out, they have some tube stuck in her that's peeing for her. i initially thought that was cheating, but now i'm thinking i have to get mom one of these tube things for her birthday. she hates having to go so often.
well, i don't have a lot of perspective, but after 6 hours of sitting around watching tv and joking about the pee bag, the doctor has come in and said, "it's time to push!" of course, i don't know where the docs go to school for their bedside manners. i mean, i'm a real person here and everyone's here because of me. so maybe they should give me my proper due. i'm thinking something like blaring regal trumpets announcing the arrival of . . . me!
here i come baby
it's 6:30am, thursday april 24, 2008. this whole floating around in mom's stomach for 8.5 months is killing me. i know, i know. i'm not supposed to arrive until may 7, but i've had enough.
let's see . . . how can i get her attention. let's try some cool r&b toni braxton on mom's tum tum to see if i can get her attention. she seems to be waking up . . . but, wait, she thinks i'm playing braxton hicks. no mom, this is the real thing.
i'll fast forward, but basically after 2 hours of going through my in-utero ipod list, i finally figured out that if i picked up the pace a little and started playing songs 5 minutes apart instead of 10 minutes apart, she would really believe me. of course, she didn't really believe me as she had to call her doctor to translate my tunes to adult talk.
all this while, i'm being much more considerate than any of the other inuteros i know. all my dancing and music playing on mom isn't anything worse than "my normal bad menstrual cramps". mom has it easy (either that, or mom's a real trooper) . . . since i luv my mom, i'm voting for the latter.
bottom line, i got my trip to the hospital. of course, mom tells the nice nurses at the hospital that she's probably imagining things and it's a false alarm. does she realize that i have feelings? i'm not a false alarm, i'm the real deal!
it's not until the nurse plays a quick game of hide and seek with me that she determines that mom's for real by declaring "5 cm dilated." half way there and nothing more than a standard set of menstrual cramps . . . go mom!
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